Marilyn Chin (nee Wong)

A very dear friend recently past from Cancer at the early age of 51. She is leaving her husband Michael and teenage daughter Jordan. Her battle with cancer was short, about a month.

We only occasionally saw each other once they were married, we hardly saw each other after I was married. Life has a way of diverting priorities and friendships, but I never stopped loving her, she was really my sister.

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while and leave footprints in your heart and we are never ever the same."

Rest In Peace Marilyn, we will always miss you.

August 26 1963 ~ March 12 2015

What do you say about people when they have passed on, they were kind, smart, helpful, loving, always there you and others, great mom, great wife. I know she was all of these things and more. I will leave the adjectives to others. She allowed me into her life and for that I am grateful.

I knew Marilyn since she was 7 or 8 years old. I was dating her older sister (Lana) at the time , it was just natural for Marilyn to be going places with us. Later on when Marilyn met Michael (Mickey to me) we start going out altogether. Dinner, movies, birthdays, shopping or wherever. 

Marilyn has 5 sisters, Irene, Lana, Jeannie, Gail and Judith. That's a lot of girls in one house, not sure how their father did it. I have two daughters and let's just say they were a handful, and still are to a certain extent even though they are in their mid and late twenties, so hats off to him and his wife for a great job.

Gail, Lana, Marilyn, Jeanne, Irene, Judith

 Now dating a non-Chinese was not an easy task to do in their household. It took a long time to be...hmmm tolerated, not accepted, but tolerated. In thinking about it I think it was more about any guy dating their daughters. As I recall someone (I think it was Mickey) had boots thrown at him as he was trying to escape being caught in Marilyn's house one day.

Their father called me one day to "explain" things to me. He pointed out that I was not Chinese (which came of a surprise to me), and dating their daughter was really making his life tough at home, very tough. He expressed he personally had nothing against me, just his wife was not happy about things. I'll take him at his word.

Lana and I dated for about 11 or 12 +- years.  She always had aspirations of going home to China and teach. Never understood the going home thing, home was Toronto, she was born here (yes I get the cultural home aspect) she was going home to China to seek out relatives. Hmmm OK, see you in a month.

Back then no internet, no cell phones, no email, just snail mail, so no communication. So the month was up she was coming home on Sunday. Sunday night I didn't see her, nor Monday or Tuesday, she was stalling to seeing me??? Finally on Thursday she came over, told me our relationship was over, and that was that, good bye.  I may be wrong on the actual days of the week, but that was decades ago. I won't go into the details, but yes I was devastated, for years I might add. 

  

Mick and Mar still hung out with me even after her sister broke up with me, (their 3rd wheel), basically same as before, movies, dinner, vacations, birthdays, fishing, playing board games - Risk and Monopoly stands out in my mind.

I was surprised when their father called me one time after the breakup to see how I was doing. I always like him no matter the final outcome. I was saddened to learn of his passing but did not learn of it for a couple of years his death.

 Somewhere along the line Mick and Mar briefly broke up, I called her, we talked, we would still hang out. I still hung out with Mick as well and he finally came to his senses, he and Mar picked up where they were left off.

Mick and Mar announced they were getting married, I was honored to be Mick's Best Man, Irene was the Maid Of Honor.

The wedding planning and details were intense, at least from my experience. We didn't do "big" in our house. So this was my first exposure to the process. It was fun. We made short photo montage/video of Mick and Mar at a approximately the same age, in different stages of their life. I should see if I have a copy of that.

 I was dreading the dance portion of the wedding, having danced once in my life at a school dance and being a complete failure at it. Irene was tolerant of my feeble attempt at a slow dance. After a minute or so she whispered in my ear, (I am paraphrasing here) "its ok now we can move around the dance floor". I think she said "we can travel". Thank god that was over. Never danced again, now I am just trying to figure out how to get out of dancing when my daughters get married.

The wedding went off without a hitch and it was great, the games were played and the flowers were tossed. Marilyn looked beautiful and very happy too. I think the party broke up around 2:30 in the morning. Everyone was tired, but had fun.

For awhile Mick and Mar lived across the hall from me in a small apartment building, talk about convenient, and I mean that in a good sense. Life went on.

As I get older like everyone else, the sharpness of details soften, but somewhere along the road Mick and Mar moved out of the apartment building.

Over time we saw less and less of each other as happens to most friends with rare exceptions.

The last time I saw Marilyn, it was at a show we went to see at the Ford Theatre in North York. Not sure what the show was, some musical I want to say Miss Saigon, but not sure and not important. What was important is we all went together again. 

We left the theatre and made our way to the parking lot. Usually when we say goodnight after all these years it was a quick Thanks, nice to see you again, we'll see you later. This time it was different, Marilyn quickly walk to me and gave me a huge hug and stared into my eyes for a few moments with her hand on my arm, "Bye". We got in our cars and went our separate ways. I knew something was different, just did not know that would be the last time I would see her, maybe she knew. That was many years ago.

When Lana called me to give me the news about Marilyn, she was quick to point out on four separate times in our short conversation that she did not want me to know about Marilyn and suggested I didn't need to attend. She mentioned it was at her sisters insistence she contact me.  I finally told her firmly "she has Good Sisters to keep me in mind about Marilyn", she agreed "Yes, yes they are". So not sure what to make of that, was she doing me a favor, I don't know... certainly off-putting.

Since I was always taking photos, where I went my camera followed, Lana asked for photos of Marilyn, but for me to contact and deal with Judith. Of course there is no question I would dig up all the negatives and slides that I could find in such a short time. There were thousands of slides and negatives to pour over to find Marilyn. Scanning took all night and lead me through some great memories and many tears.
  

A day later I decided to blog briefly about Marilyn. I have the images of her and her sisters to add and it really is good to write things down, therapeutic.

I am having a difficult time with her passing, as I write my eyes tear up. When my own sister passed away it wasn't as difficult to deal with, sad yes, but not like this. I guess it is because of how much time I spent with my "sisters" and how little time I spent with my biological family.

In writing this, I realize it is more of a background of my time events and how, every moment was interwoven and difficult to separate out without leaving holes in the fabric. But Marilyn was the binder that carried our interpersonal relationship from one stage to the next.

I spent a fair amount of time with all of her sisters, off and on and in my mind they are all my sisters.

Judith:  "I was just telling William, my husband, this morning that we used to be so close with you that I never though twice about riding my bike to your apartment to spend time with you when I was a kid. Life just seems to take over."  Thanks Judith you were always welcome to drop by.

The photos below are not in any particular order and are a variety of shots over time.

Mick and Mar walking to the Riverdale Zoo

Trying not to fall on the slippery rocks

Sitting on a Cannon in Quebec City

Marilyn Grade 8 Graduation

Gail and Judith



The Four of us at Christmas, just in case tree didn't give it away.

Camping in Killarney Provincial Park

Hear No Evil, See No Evil, Speak No Evil, Be Evil, Smell No Evil, Think No Evil

Fun Times, Girls

 

Irene if you ever see this I just wanted you to know I really appreciated you taking the time in talking and listening to me several times over the first few weeks/months after Lana broke up with me.
And Yes I loved the photo!
 

Lastly, I hope nothing written in this post hasn't offended or hurt anyone, that was not the intent.

 But rather to leave a small Footprint on the Internet for Marilyn, as she left Footprints on my heart.

_______________________________________________________

The funeral.

Even with some scheduling conflicts that may have me in Montreal, I am conflicted and not sure not sure if I should attend in light of earlier comments, going or not going?

 

 No need in causing anyone undue stress with my presence or taking away from the Ceremony.

 I will visit the cemetery to pay my respects nonetheless.

Do not be surprised if  I occasionally leave flowers for her at the cemetery.

And please no one should read anything into whether or not I attended the

Celebration Of Life For Marilyn.

All of You were the family I never had growing up.

I can only say Thank you.

_______________________________________________________

 

Popped out of work today to go visit Marilyn,

 

Mick, it is a beautiful setting you choose.

The flowers looked beautiful, so very sorry for not being there.